Don't judge yourself TOO hard

2021.09.26 09:34 Everyting_Moment Don't judge yourself TOO hard

I hope this isn't some weird cringey mild egomania or narcissist shit. Thinking that your words were powerful or impactful is some weird cringe paradox. They might actually have some weight behind them and resonate with someone, so maybe you should get em out there, or you're a narcissist asperger who has a God complex ego and wrongly assumed that what you said was insightful and might help someone.
So here, I've never posted here on this account, maybe only a couple dozen times on a friends account idk, but tonight was a particularly deep and fun solo ski (lingo is cringe but it does accurately describe what we're doing at home with no friends at am 😆) and I just felt I should post this response I made on another post, one of the top/recent ones with the hilarious "real life" meme pictures.
I'm obviously still high/coming down (with satisfaction for the night 😁) if you hadn't guessed from the rambling above. We all know great toot makes you want to talk until you faint from exhaustion, but this is the first time that, once my sober friends through the phone are tired and hitting the hay, I decided to pursue cocaine for more than just a little laugh at how funny it is that it makes you just want to communicate with another human, and in the twilight hours there are almost nothing but posts looking to bullshit with a stranger for an hour.
I was REALLY high when I clicked the aforementioned post, this isn't a throwaway I just don't care if anyone wete to ever find out I like kuhkayne. It's genuinely not bad (like any substance as I wrote in my fuxkinf PHD essay response last night) just be conscious of the intense (one of, if not the strongest) chemical reaction it has on your brain I n terms of unregulated desire. Even talking about it now makes me want it. It's impressive and scary.
The comments just hit a little too real, I really think I'm not struggling currentl, and I'm not having some depressed return to normal body chemistry, it just jt me how many other people also have a super bitter love hate connection with blow, and the hyper desire to talk I ended up just speaking my ranting mind on some specifics I've meditated on while high and afterwards. I'm tired as hell right now but still have a good remnant of the euphoria of real shit, and wanted to post it in the event someone out there is having a harder struggle than me, maybe they don't feel as powerful or in control od their mind/life, and these words might resonate with them. Everyone's different, so please don't make lame comments about how this doesn't apply to you 😆 just let it thr people it's supposed to maybe hit
I won't edit it, if it doesn't make sense. I could talk til I passed out from fatigue right now, but don't have the motivation to read back through and edit it to be broader.
It's cringe, but true for me and other friends who should really be on here posting their pros and cons of longterm use just to inform people with less experience and more naivete. Folks who are maybe really intelligent but not awake yet to their soul and thus really introspective and honest with themselves. I thought the origknal post was hilarious, but obviously sad. I didn't expect the majority of the comments to make me feel a certain way with the undertones of shame and regret
hope this helps someone, cause I feel like if my more experienced buddies had pondered these thoughts and verbalized em first to me, I would have never developed the relative problem I had for a minute there... some friends do ounces a month with/without their partners, but me doing even a .5 a day for a month straight is a problem to my own self. I don't like when any animalistic/chemical reaction strongly influences my choices... sex, socializing, coke etc. All fun to indulge in, but it's gotta be ME making the decisions and in total control. No painful devil on your shoulder helping you rationalize doing it to where the logic isn't "why do I want to do more/keep going" but instead "why not? I'm off/free tomorrow" or "I really can afford it" whatever.
ORIGINAL POSTED COMMENT
I've had periods of drug abuse of pretty much every drug. I had an iron will to the point of dangerous arrogance.
The thing is once you experience some real pain in your life (whether or not it's relatively justified or not in the eyes of most people, you experience your own world and your pain is your pain) AND have access to killer clean shit without amphetamines consistently AND have no real financial worries and you could be comfortable for a long time even if you were irresponsible financially, it's a whole different story.
I still have that steel will in me, but the "fuck it" attitude has become too strong and unruly. I'm not rich by most standards in this country, but if I choose to take work 5-6 days a week, I make good enough money that I could do at least $500 worth a month and have it not affect my standard of living at all. I could probably do $1k worth but I'm way too frugal to stomach that more than once (have never gone THAT hard). I remember almost being cocky saying I could control it completely when friends were lamenting about how they've fallen into the fiendy escapism trap that any drug or lifestyle choice can initiate, but that blow does specifically strongly. Now I'm thr one who went from total control, to half problem, to relative problem for me, back to balanced and feeling more control. I warned a friend who is similarly cocky, that it's easy to control when spending that kind of money or doing it so often starts negatively impacting your life. He isn't as comfortable in terms of a nest egg. If the day comes where blowing a grand or more a month won't break him, and something traumatic triggers him, we'll see how easy it is for him to control. Having the disposable (at least relative to many others, 6 figures at least a year) income is the kicker for justifying using it too often and then it will inevitably be used one day as an escape for 99% of people, I'm confident saying.
I've noticed that toot is a really amazing thing, like most "drugs" it's a neutral, and we humans decide by our thoughts and actions whether it's a negative or positive. If you're totally balanced in your life and can honestly say that, then it's not really bad and your balance keeps the negative fiendy escapism in check. Yeah you could do it all night, but you don't want to cause it will then affect your next day, and you'll be pissed you overdid it when you felt good enough half way through. Set yourself a firm time limit so you can bask in the good feeling of self control when tis over that night, and stick to it. I've noticed if I allow myself to justify continuing past my time limit, say 130 am, it always snowballs and I inevitably hear the coke birds taunting me reminding me that all the responsible adults are waking up for work while I'm fuxked up still...
The chemical response of coke is amazing and hilarious. Molly would self regulate for me for the most part. Blow you could be uncomfortably zonked and then just wait for the scary discomfort and regret to pass, then keep going, reach that uncomfortable level, rinse and repeat until you feel like a weak minded bitch and wish you had saved a good bit for the future, cause you're going enjoy doing it 5 days from now just as much as you're enjoying it right now... if I'm rambling too confusingly, to try and clarify the feeling of fiending and controlling it using clear, conscious thoughts: once I took Vyvanse for a very short period like a month on and off, and each time I'd want a smoke I could think clearly about how I'm just gonna want one again, and kept pushing it until it had been about 2 hours and I said alright, ill have one.
If you have any unaddressed pain in your soul, stay the fuxk away from buying blow. You can still do it if someone has some clean shit, choose your own adventure, you know? But do NOT buy it, ever.
I once held a .3 of what I'm guessing was 95%+ pure yellow shit. So relaxing in the high, took about 45 seconds to even start feeling the numby etc. But I was naively balanced and comfortable with my spot in life. Once I went through this adultery shit that broke my heart and nearly destroyed me, I couldn't hold onto the shit. I'd do a .1 to .3 daily until it was gone. I went like 35 days once doing those tiny lines daily.... I never looked to buy it, but had rich friends with issue and would get some whenever they mentioned they were getting it. You keep doing tiny toots to numb the nasal pain it was a ridiculous and pathetic period, but I knew it for what it was from the start, an escape.
I'm more balanced finally, partially due to talking about what I just typed with friends when we're tooting and bullshitting, or the first hand regret of saying "fuck it" to your self control and then being like "I really didn't have to kill that last night... I could have saved some to do tomorrow or even right now"
Props to OP for having introspection and wanting to take a break permanent or otherwise. Part of why my willpower was always so strong to a point of becoming dangerously arrogant with substance abuse was I'm super self aware (to a fault) and I think that's probably 3/4 of the battle with any type of addiction, mental or physical.
Most addicts know they're continuing the painful shitty cycle but the negativity is so strong that they say "fuck it" and don't ultimately have the love in them at the moment to stop feeling that regret the next day. You can literally break free at any point, you just need to meditate on self love, forgive your self and others, and start WANTING to be happy. Drugs are dangerous when used as an escape. They should only be used either therapeutically or to enhance already awesome vibes. You're all loved ultimately to anyone reading this and struggling, try to actually REALIZE that and you'll get control back. Don't fixate and wallow in your regrets (trust me on that personally), just choose consciously whether or not you enjoy feeling shitty and are getting high off the miserable self pity, or if you're ready to recognize you WANT to feel at peace finally. You're the only one kn control of your own life, despite what your inner demon tries to convince of otherwise.
If you couldn't tell from the college dissertation on addiction I just wrote, ill reiterate i'm pretty damn geeked off some really impressive shit 🤣
TLDR: If you can say with internal honesty that you're happy and balanced and nothing can fuck that up for you in terms of giving in to negative energy, then do it as you please. If you have even moderate demons you're trying to ignore hoping it will just pass, don't ever buy it. Also, even though we all know blow expires by sunrise, somehow it refreshes its shelf life if you cut yourself off and don't destroy it all like a fiend. Set a time limit for yourself and friends to agree on, and STICK TO IT. Use eachothees collective shame to not want to be a fiend to stay strong and as you're coming down (in my seriously vast experience with this shit) you're gonna feel varying levels of satisfaction ❤✌
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2021.09.26 09:34 East-Bullfrog4398 Colorful Massacre by ASYA

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2021.09.26 09:34 Kappa_Man Gameplay Update 7.30d

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2021.09.26 09:34 roketrade Salt is one of the few things people eat which has never been alive

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2021.09.26 09:34 WayAdministrative782 Problem in deploying kubeflow on GCP

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AP(note APS were not offered in my school and I did them independently): AP AB CALC(5), AP MACRO(4), AP STATS(5), AP PSYCHOLOGY(5), AP BIO(4)
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2021.09.26 09:34 kaagbeni PS4 disc confusion

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2021.09.26 09:34 CommanderFaie One of the first games I ever played

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2021.09.26 09:34 Scary_Pace6463 Seinen to sometimes

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2021.09.26 09:34 oroburittos AEW Superheavyweight Tournament (aka big hoss fest)

AEW have a handful of hosses that they don't really feature prominently and I wish they did a better job of it. So, much like how they're doing an Owen Hart memorial tourney, or how they had the TNT title tourney, or the women's tag tourney a while back, I'd like for them to have a one-off tourney for the best big man in the company. The minimum (billed) weight is 250 lbs.
Say Mark Henry just decides to host it. There's a prize at the end on top of bragging rights - a fat check and a shiny trophy or something. So for 1-2 weeks he goes around the roster looking to recruit 8 competitors. He locks down Brian Cage, Lance Archer, Wardlow, Will Hobbs. Those are the Big 4 of the tournament. Before he can recruit anyone else he's cornered by the Wingmen and they're so obnoxious that he agrees to let Cezar Bononi and JD Drake participate.
Later Mark Henry is approached by Matt Hardy with Butcher, Blade & Bunny. They try to intimidate Mark, when that doesn't work Matt tries to bribe him. Mark's still not having it when Luther comes in and screams in everyone's ear that he should be in the tournament. Mark says that he was gonna ask Butcher anyway, but since they pissed him off Butch will have to fight Luther for a spot. Finally he approaches Bear Bronson, says that while Bear Boulder's been on the shelf he's enjoyed the work that Bronson's been doing. Before Bronson can agree to enter the tournament he's interrupted by the Factory and QT goads Bronson into taking on Nick Comoroto for a spot in the tournament.
About the other big guys who aren't participating. Hager is busy with MMA and/or protecting Jericho from America Top Team. Luchasaurus is a trios guy and still busy with the Elite/Superkliq. Trios is also why Billy Gunn isn't in it. And Miro is already the best and thinks it's beneath him, but he'll be keeping an eye on the tournament (wink wink).
So there's two qualifier matches: Butcher vs Luther, and Bronson vs Comoroto. They can take place on Dark Elevation. Butcher beats Luther pretty handily, maybe Blade & Bunny murder Serpentico on the outside. Bronson vs Comoroto is a bit more competitive, I think Bronson does a good job of selling and fighting from underneath. But Comoroto beats him pretty clean, although Aaron Solow does run minor interference being more of a nuisance than really having a hand in the match.
First round matches and some story points:
Wardlow beats Comoroto - MJF doesn't accompany Wardlow cuz he doesn't care, tells Wardlow 'go out there and have fun big guy'. Wardlow and Comoroto try to one-up each other the whole time - flexing, tests of strength, power moves. Comoroto's crazy but Wardlow is still better. QT & Aaron Solow interfere a couple times. Wardlow counters a Samoan drop into a power bomb. Solow tries to get involved again but Shaun Spears comes from the crowd and murders him with a C4. Two more power bombs, Casualty of War, Wardlow knocks out Comoroto.
Hobbs beats Bononi - Hobbs enters with Hook, Bononi enters with Pretty Peter Avalon. Hobbs matches are slow cuz he usually trucks people smaller than him and then sneers into the camera. Bononi's a bigger guy so it's a harder fight but for the most part Hobbs eats him up. Before PPA can get involved Hook blindsides him with a clothesline. Hobbs hits Bononi with Town Business, 1-2-3.
Brian Cage beats Butcher - Cage starts by outclassing Butch, but then Blade & Bunny help Butch get an advantage. Cage eventually fights back with his freakish agility but can't put him away. Butcher comes back a little bit, hits that brutal cross body at some point. Also Blade is getting on Cage's nerves. Butch whips Cage to the ropes, Cage ducks a clothesline and flips over the ropes to take out Blade. He comes back in, he and Butch clothesline each other a couple times but neither man goes down. Cage superkicks Butch, Butch hulks up and charges, Cage ducks another clothesline, catches Butch in the Weapon X, 1-2-3. Also I guess Best Friends keep out the rest of the HFO cuz that feud just never ends.
Lance Archer beats JD Drake - Before his entrance Drake looks for Ryan Nemeth but can't find him. Archer comes in dragging Nemeth by the neck and chokeslams him on the stage. The match is stiff, Archer likes eating hits for lunch and Drake's chops sound like gunshots. Eventually Drake's getting beat down. He manages to hit Archer with a claymore kick (it's in his moveset) and a senton, but only gets a 1 count. He makes a mistake climbing the turnbuckles cuz Archer runs up, smacks him, hits the Blackout, and pins JD Drake to win.
There could honestly be a bunch of different match-ups in the first round, but I think this works best to get the Big 4 in the semifinals. Spears helps Wardlow against the Factory cuz they've been teaming together, meanwhile Wardlow shows he can still kill a guy as big as Comoroto. I love the Wingmen, and right now they're basically the best kind of job squad. So Team Taz eat up Bononi & PPA. Archer & Drake are two guys who like to throw down but are also deceptively athletic. Cage is another lone wolf but a freak of nature and should be able to take out any kind of interference.
So far there's been a bit too much interference since just about everyone is in a team. Mark Henry's been on commentary for these matches and he's had enough, so he and Tony Khan have banned all valets, partners, entourages, etc. and since he's already there Mark Henry will be personally enforcing this rule. Hobbs' semifinals match is on Rampage, so Henry's got Team Taz in check since Taz is also on commentary. As for the Pinnacle he runs into Tully & Spears backstage. Spears brandishes a chair like he's not scared, Henry grabs it from his hands, rips the chair apart, and Tully & Spears crap their pants. From now on everything is one on one.
The semifinal matches are Brian Cage vs Wardlow, and Lance Archer vs Powerhouse Hobbs. I don't want to do Cage vs Hobbs again and continue the Team Taz feud, though I've got no problem teasing it as a potential finals match (spoilers, it's not).
For Archer vs Hobbs, Archer does NOT come out carrying Hook cuz Hook must be protected. It also runs at a quicker pace than Hobbs normally works at. He can't just truck Archer and pause to look at the camera cuz Archer won't stay down that long. They each get a chance to over-power each other. They try to knock each other down with running shoulder tackles, Archer tries to pounce Hobbs but Hobbs pounces him instead. They brawl to the outside early in the match, Hobbs works on Archer's back and Archer keeps throwing forearms to Hobbs face. Archer hits that moonsault from the top rope that he does for a two count. He then goes to do that spinning Vader bomb but Hobbs gets up, catches him like he's about to do Town Business but Archer escapes. They go back and forth, Hobbs ducks a short arm clothesline and hits a spinebuster for two. Later Archer hits a Hellacoaster for two. They take turns battering each other in the corner. Hobbs starts to get an advantage, he's got Archer in the corner, goes for a running spear but Archer dodges. Archer takes over, beats Hobbs down, puts him up on the top turnbuckle and hits the Blackout. Archer moves on to the finals.
Brian Cage & Wardlow are two powerhouses who can also do cruiserweight moves. They need to showcase that more. It's not just tests of strength and countering power moves. Cage does a hurricanrana on Wardlow. Later Wardlow does a hurricanrana. Cage beals Wardlow. Wardlow beals Cage. Cage hits a standing moonsault. At one point he tries a crossbody but Wardlow catches him and curls him. Later in the match Cage dodges a running splash in the corner, hits Wardlow with his combo - Euro uppercut, enziguiri, into the German suplex, but Wardlow rolls up to his feet, winds up and hits Cage with his double clothesline. Both men are down and the ref starts a ten count. They get back up and the match continues. Near the end Cage is about to power bomb Wardlow, but Wardlow sweeps Cage by the legs and hits his own deadlift power bomb for two. Wardlow hits another one for 2.9. He's shocked and takes a long time to collect himself before he calls for the Casualty of War. Wardlow sets Cage up, goes for it but Cage lands on his feet, catches Wardlow's knee, picks him up and hits the F5. Doesn't go for the cover, he picks Wardlow back up, hits the Drillclaw, Cage wins the match.
Cage vs Archer is the main event for the next Dynamite. Or it could be Rampage. Either way before the match they do that hilariously bad Zoom interview with Mark Henry talking about how much this tournament means to them. I want this just so Mark Henry can get his line in: 'No more talk. It's time for the Main Event!' It's so dumb and I want it.
I'm not gonna do too many details for this match, each man has got some crazy movesets and should be able to show them off. Maybe they can pull off some impossible feats, like Archer tries that top rope moonsault but Cage catches him. That might be asking for too much but still, I don't think they'd need to go that far to pull of a hell of a match. In the end, I'd want Cage to win. I know Archer keeps making it to these big matches just to lose, but if you ask me AEW has done Cage even dirtier and he needs a restart if he's gonna stick with the company. In the end after Cage has won Miro's music hits, and God's Favorite Champion walks out to take a look at the Machine who's just been crowned best big man in AEW. And that's the next feud for the TNT title.
And now that I've booked myself into a corner, I wouldn't really want Cage to beat Miro. I wanted to book this mostly as a big hoss showcase, but I'd also want it to rehabilitate Cage's image in AEW. And while I think Miro is the actual best big man in AEW, I still want a better showcase for Cage. So in the end maybe Cage beats Miro, finally gets a higher profile in the company, and then Miro gets freed up to go after the World Title. Heck, Cage has a spinning neckbreaker and a tornado DDT in his arsenal so it would still make sense.
Anyway, that's it. Give us more hoss battles and a better spot for Brian Cage AEW. Please and thanks.
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2021.09.26 09:34 thatrightwinger Looking for Information on Elvis's Second Christmas Album

There's a story going around Nashville that Elvis's Second Christmas Album was hampered by Elvis himself unable/unwilling to continue due to the hot weather and "unchristmas-like" atmosphere. He then told the Memphis Mafia to go out and set up decorations throughout the studio to make it feel Christmaslike. It makes for a great story, and knowing where RCA Studio B is, imagining a Christmas tree, lights, and garlands would be outstanding.
Is there documentation from records of the studio or from stories about Elvis concerning what happened in May 1971 when he did his recordings?
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